Young Wrexham

Splitting Up

Relationships can end for a variety of reasons and it can hurt when things are over. Unfortunately, some relationships are not meant to be and won't last forever. Remember that you're learning from every experience and what you learn from a relationship ending can help you in the future.

Splitting up is not an easy thing to do for anyone, no matter how good or bad the relationship might have been. The end of a relationship can give you the chance to work out work out where things went wrong and what you want from your next relationship in the future.

Whether you're the person that ended the relationship or not, it can be miserable and painful to start with, but your feelings will heal over time.

The right way?

Sometimes people are unsure as to how to break up with someone and instead of facing up to the situation, they cut off communication hoping that the other person will get the message.

Its not a pleasant way to deal with things and can leave the other person never really understanding what went wrong or why the relationship ended.

• If you are considering splitting up with your partner, think about how you would like to be treated if the situation was the other way round
• If your relationship isn't working out, it's best to be honest with your partner and let them down gently
• Be fair and be kind to them, you were once close so they deserve to be treated with respect and dignity
• Try and break it to them face-to-face, this allows you to explain your reasons properly and gives them the opportunity to ask questions and tell you how they feel. It won't be easy but they will respect you for handling it well
• If your relationship has ended because your partner has stopped contacting you, this can be very confusing. Try to find out what's going on - talk to them or arrange to meet up to discuss the situation
• You need to know what's happening and it's not fair on you to be left hanging on. It can feel upsetting and humiliating to be ignored but if you have tried to contact them a few times unsuccessfully it might be better to leave the situation alone

Getting over it

No matter how bad you feel now, things will only get better. You might feel a mixture of emotions - upset, confused, angry, guilty, low in confidence and stressed. Your feelings will heal over time.

• Let your feelings out - don't keep them inside. It's perfectly normal to cry - this is all part of the healing process. Its ok to remember the good times you shared with them, try to think of the positives things that you learned from your time together
• You might feel miserable and find you don't want to go out but it will help if you keep yourself busy with friends and family. Try something new and make time to do things you enjoy. Start a new hobby or try going to different places, it will help you to feel better and build up your confidence
• Think positively - this can help you get over your relationship and start over again
• You will probably miss your partner a lot to begin with. Remember what you used to do before you started your relationship with them
• You will probably feel a sense of loss. If you used to share your problems with your partner, then you will need to find a new person or group of people to support you. Talk things through with your friends and family, they're there to listen and to support you
• People often find its easier to cut off all contact with their ex when a relationship ends to give them the space to get over it. This might be difficult if you live in the same area, go to the same school, work together, visit the same places or hang out with the same group of friends
• You might be desperate to get back with them but if someone doesn't want to be with you anymore then nothing you can do will change their mind. It might be better to keep your pride and accept that its over than to repeatedly trying to convince them to take you back
• If they are now going out with someone new, seeing them together will make things more painful for you so change what you normally do, where you go and who with for the time being. Give yourself the space and time you need to heal away from bumping into them
• Try not to feel bitter about your ex, these feelings will pass in time. Be careful how you treat them, as you may regret what you say in the future
• When you feel you are ready, you might want to meet up with your ex as friends. Don't be tempted to get back in touch if you're only expecting to get involved in a relationship with them again - they might have moved on and you'll only make the hurt you are feeling worse
• When you're ready, you might consider beginning a new relationship. This might help take your mind off your ex and give you a great confidence boost