Young Wrexham

Divorce

In Britain, it is predicted that one in every three marriages will end in divorce.

There are many reasons why your parents may decide to no longer be together. Some couples may find they don’t want the same things or they don’t get on anymore for example.

Whatever the reason, it is important to remember its not your fault. Your parents have made the decision between themselves and it doesn’t mean they have changed the way they feel about you.

Your feelings

Everyone deals with divorce differently and you can feel any mixture of emotions, including:

• Shock: you may not have been expecting your parents to divorce or you may not want them to. This feeling of shock will lessen with time
• Angry: you may be angry towards your parents about their divorce. Don’t let your anger get out of control. Talk to them about how it is making you feel
• Upset: you may be upset about the new changes to your life and that one of your parents might not be living with you anymore
• Confused: you may not know or understand why your parents are divorcing
• Relieved: if your parents have not been getting on, their divorce may result in things being a lot easier and calmer in the house
• Scared: you may be afraid of what will happen to you now your parents will not be together
• Guilty: you may feel like it is your fault in some way, but it isn't

Don’t keep these feelings bottled up. It is your right to feel all of these emotions so talk to your parents. Remember they are going through a difficult time too so stick together.

• You may feel like you have to take sides but your parents shouldn’t expect you to do this. Equally, don’t feel stuck in the middle. It is your parents´ decision and it’s their responsibility to sort things out
• Remember your parents are going through a very difficult and stressful time. This does mean they are not there for you
• You may feel like things will never get better. But no matter how bad you are feeling now, things will get better for you and your family. It will take time for things to settle down but you do not have to deal with this on your own
• You may feel like you don’t want to eat, you can’t concentrate and you’re having trouble sleeping. This is very normal at first, but it is best to see your doctor if these effects continue and stop you from getting on with your life

Getting support

• It is important you tell your parents how you are feeling and ask any questions that are on your mind. They will want to make sure you are okay. It is likely other family members are feeling the same, especially any brothers or sisters you may have. Talk to them about your emotions and feelings too as this will make things easier for all of you
• If you cannot speak to your family, talk to someone you can trust about your thoughts and feelings. You may have a friend who has experienced the same thing and so they may be able to give you some advice
• See the links at the end of the section for more sources of advice and support. There are people who can listen to you and support you so don’t feel alone
• Try doing things you enjoy to help you feel better and give you a chance to deal with your feelings

What happens now?

• If both your parents have decided to divorce, they will not have to go to court. They can deal with this on paper
• If your parents cannot agree on where you should live, they will need to go to court to help them make the decision
• A Child Support Agency may also be able to help your parents decide or your parents can see a mediator
• Your parents will talk to a solicitor who will help them with the process and give them some options
• On average, divorces usually take 6 - 8 months, but if there are any problems along the way, this can take longer

Your rights

• Unfortunately, if you are under 16 you don’t have any legal rights. However, if you parents cannot decide where you will live or how much you will see the other parent, the courts will take into account your views. Think carefully about what you really want and don’t be afraid of hurting your parents´ feelings. You need to think about what’s best for you at this time
• If you are over 16, it will be up to you to negotiate with your parents about where you live and how much you will see of them. The courts won’t make these decisions for you. Again, make sure this is your decision and don’t feel guilty about your choice. Talk to friends or other family members about your decision if it helps

The future

• When divorced, your parents will still be your legal parents. Remember you are still family even if you are living apart
• Divorce can bring about some really positive changes. If your parents have not been getting along, then this should make things a lot better for everyone. You may also be brought closer to your parents as you will have all gone through a difficult time together
• It will take time for things to re-adjust but remember however bad things are, they will get better and life will return to normal soon